21-January, 2005

“Hi. My name’s Beth, and I’m a sloth-a-holic.” (mumbled chorus: “Hi Beth”)

I am 41 years old, 5’2” and in September of 2004 I weighed over 190lbs. I could no longer fit into my size 16 pants (even the ones with the elastic waist.) I had no energy. My blood sugar was on the diabetic borderline. My triglycerides were up, as was my cholesterol. I could no longer even pretend that, although I was overweight, I was healthy. I have used up all my “some days.” I need to take it off. I need to keep it off, and that time is now.

I am a yo-yo dieter of many years practice. I am actually very good at losing weight. I’ve lost 30 or so pounds countless times over the past ten years and had lots more losses in the years before that. I can be quite obsessive focused about losing weight for several months before I slip, then fall and forget to get up. So I would say that for me, it’s not the losing, it’s the sticking with it until it’s gone and then getting it to stay lost that I have a problem with.

I know, it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. And every time I recommit myself to losing, I swear it will be my lifestyle. Then some big upset in my life comes or I just get sick and tired of constantly disciplining that emotional four-year-old who lives in my head. The one who wants what she wants when she wants it. The one that wants to lie on the couch and watch ‘cartoons’ or to read a book, or play games.

But you know what? I’m tired of being fat. I’m tired of being lazy (and no overweight person stereotype here. I am lazy…) I’m tired of not recognizing myself when happen to catch my reflection in a store window. I’m tired of not having the energy to do anything because my body doesn’t know how to move anymore. In my head, I’m this thin, strong, active person. I wear very hip clothes. I am hot. Now, I want the person on the outside to match that vision I have of myself on the inside.

And so I have been eating right, carefully journaling my daily calories, and going to the gym. I’m doing good. I’ve lost almost 25 pounds since September and I have lots of Non-Scale Victories to go along with the loss. But now I’m at that scary four month mark where I tend to slip. So, I’m taking my journey to the cyber-streets. Here, I will be accountable. Here, I will take advice from others who are doing what I’m trying to do.

Let the ride begin…